Ok, lets be honest I have been posting things that have a bit of a serious tone, but not this one. SO I set up some standards for myself for the Christmas season. My big one is that I am not allowed to play Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving. Well I usually don't do a good job of this cause usually I start playing Christmas music around the first of November. This year I did a little better I have made it until Nov. 18th. Ok that is all I have to say for right now!!!

So I did something that I always tried not to do. I put myself in a vulnerable state to see if there was hope of relationship with a female. I was shot down. That is the part I am OK with. I am not used to being in that situation but that is life. The part that I am struggling with is the rebuilding of the defences of my heart. It is something that I tell people they need to do when they come to me with issues of their own. I am very glad to know that I have some amazing brothers in Christ that have been there for me and have helped me along with this process.

This situation has reminded me of a story from the old testament. It is when Nehemiah rebuilds the wall surrounding Jerusalem after the people of Israel return from exile. I am reminded be of this story because Nehemiah could not do it alone he had to rely on the people of Israel just I am leaning on brothers in Christ to help me through this situation.

WOW!

It is the eve of Homecoming week at WKU and I am starting to feel the stress already. I have some awesome individuals that have agreed to help out this year, but still me being me I am worrying about the week already. Part of my worry is that this year the BCM is paring up with two other ministries. We are reuniting the BCM and CSF yet again, but for the first time we are paring with the Catholic Campus Centre. I am really excited to see the Baptist and Catholics working together on WKU campus to glorify Jesus. My worry is that the BCM will not do it part in the work that is required. When we get together we have a problem of not wanting to work but play the whole time. Especially while working on the float.

I know that I should not worry about any of this but I just love the whole week of Homecoming that I want it to fun for others as well.

OK so with that last statement I have been convicted. I forget all that time that I should live my life to bring others into the family of God. That is our great mission and I get caught up in the stuff of this world and forget to make it about HIM. This is a very sobering thought. I now must commit to making this week of fun into one that is fun focused on HIM who paid the ultimate price for my shortcomings. To do so I must step out of my box and make connections with others who do not know Christ as their LORD and Savior. Along with that I must be sure that all my conversations are spoken in love for the one I am speaking to even when they get on my last nerve.

In searching I found this verse that remind of what I should be doing this week! It comes from 1Corinthians 13:1

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

That shall be the banner that I carry with me all week long.

The Unsung!

I have been struggling this semester with my walk with God. I guess I should say that my walk is changing. For the first time in a long time I am growing deeper in my walk and it really hurts me to think of what I have been or not been doing the past few years. I have a problem with pride. I took a position as the Youth Summer Intern for two years and thought I had achieved something great. Wrong I see now that I got in the way and blocked God out from doing some great things in my life through those students.

I have heard some worship leaders say before that if you truly do not believe what the words of a song say then do not sing them just stay silent. Well I have not had the choice in that matter. When I enter into a time of worship HE meets there and really has started pulling on my heart strings. The Holy Spirit just starts convicting me of what I am not doing in my life. This results in my not being able to sing the words of some songs. It is like he takes my voice and allows me not to use it.

At first this was something that really bothered me. I did not know what was happening or why it was happening. Now I know that it is God sending his refining fire to cleanse and purify me of my sins. To be honest it still bothers me but I know what is going on and can take comfort in the process even though it is still a struggle. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak is a statement that is very true in my life and I have to take time to work on that!

The Philippians Complex

To start off the direction that God is taking me has totally changed since the last time I wrote. My next step is not to go to Africa after I graduate from Western Kentucky University. God has seen fit to send me to seminary to pursue a Masters degree in Biblical Counseling. I am now trying so hard to figure out which of the two seminaries he want me to attend. My two choices are Southwestern and Southeastern. Right now I am leaning towards Southeastern. I am not for sure why but that is what God has placed on my heart.

Ok, so now on to the title of this post. With all of the changes that have been happening in my life I have struggled with who I am in Christ. I did not realize this until about 3 weeks ago when I hit a brick wall. I had to humble myself at that point and go and talk to an individual who has this innate ability to see right though the mask that I have been wearing for about 3 months now. They called me out and said that I had to face this issue or it would wear me down to a point that I would not be able to function in a social situation. This really hurt me because I had prided myself on the fact that I was able to be a social person and keep myself together for the most part.

After sitting there and taking a verbal beat down from the Lord through my friend, she gave me some scripture to look at to help me reset my boundaries of life and to be able to function a Christ has wanted me to do for a long time but I have just been in the way and not allowed him to do his work. The scripture that she gave me was Philippians 2. I was instructed to take it one verse at a time and God would tell me when I allowed to move on to the next verse. The sad thing is that I have a lot of crap and muck in my life that i have to let go of before God can complete the work that he has started in me. I know that he will be faithful to complete the work that he has started in me. Through all this in the past 3 weeks the Lord has allowed me to get to the second verse. It has been a struggle that much is for sure.

The crap that I have held onto over the years had formed an image in my mind as a tall building with about 10 stories of issues that I will have to deal with. The awesome thing is that in the past 3 weeks God has taken away two of those stories and I am at peace with those situations. It is amazing to see the changes that I have made in my life. By no means am I perfect for there was only one who live here on earth that was perfect and I only try to be an imitator of his actions and thoughts.

My final thought for now is that if you are struggling with who you are in Christ start by looking at the direction Paul gives in Philippians 2:1-11. You will be surprised what he has in store for you.

Summer Time Fun

I have been on break now for a couple of weeks and I have not completed a single task toward my Journeyman application yet. So today I am putting together my reference over the next couple of days.

Along with the J-Man process I am working at SVBC this summer with the summer day camp program. It is something that has been a struggle for me because I am working with an age group that is harder for me to connect with. I am in love with the Middle and High School age groups. Never the less God has placed me here this summer for a reason. One I know is to love on some kiddos that have a very rough and trouble home. This has been really hard for me to deal with internally because I have grown up in a home that may not have been perfect, but it is nothing like what these kids are facing.

This past week was Vacation Bible School. To be real honest I was not really looking forward to it. Well God broke me of that is all of about 3 seconds the first day. The week was amazing. I got to see over 550 kids worshipping and praising the one and true GOD. It was a very humbling experience. During this time GOD quited me and made me listen to children sing to him. I saw GOD do some amazing things in the lives of the kids that walked in the doors of SVBC this past week. I am not sure of how many kids accepted Jesus as their lord and savior, but I know that we had 17 from the summer day camp program. One of them was a little girl from my group this week. I was so over joyed that I was doing an internal "HAPPY DANCE".

To follow up this week that was full of GOD moving amongst our Children's Ministry, I am now doing my laundry and packing to head off to Middle School Church Camp. We are heading off to Crossings Camp at Jonathan Creek. I went to this camp growing and this is the camp ground where GOD and I wrestled over several issues in my life, and GOD let me know that he was calling me to a full time ministry role. I am excited to see what HE has in store for this students as well as for me. It is going to be a great week!

Tough Times

So I was gone last week to LEADERSHAPE, a leadership conference, and while I was gone the IMB had to face some tough decisions. The decision that saddened me the most was that the IMB had to suspend the ISC and MASTERS programs temporailary and are reducing the number of Journeyman that they are sending out. This is due to the lack of giving that they have recieved from the Lottie Moon Christmas offering. It saddens me to see this come about because the workers are stepping up but the money is just not there to support them. This a time when the IMB and those who support them are turning to God and listening for his will.

The next step for me is to still be faithful to my call and to keep filling out next part of the application.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to meet SVBC's new Sr. Pastor. Pastor Bill is a man who has a passion and heart for missions. He told me that he was happy to be there and partner with me in this journey and that he would do anything possible he could to make it happen for me to hit the international mission field.

God is good to those who are faithful to his calling.

So It Begins

So I have started this blog for one reason, and one reason only to have a way to communicate what is going on in my life while I am away from my family. For those of you who do not know what is going on I am applying to be apart of the Journeyman Program. If I am excepted into the program I will be overseas for two years. During that time I will be hopefully living and sharing the love of Christ in Southern Africa. Right now I am in the third phase of the application process. This phase is the most critical one. I basically tell the International Mission Board (IMB) everything about me and everything I have ever done. In a roundabout way they will know me better then my own family.

Some people may ask why do I want to go overseas? Well they are not the only ones. My mom and granny really don't understand fully why but they understand that God is behind all of this and they support me even if they are not happy about the situation.

I am going because the Lord has called me to go and serve him over seas. I am really excited about this opportunity, but also I am going to miss my family and friends. This decision has not been an easy one. I have gone back and forth as to wither I should apply to go or not. The whole thing started about 3 years ago when I knew that I was supposed to to the international mission field. It took about 6 months for me to figure out where exactly I was supposed to go. The Lord laid a village in west Niger on my hart as a place to go. I went for 10 days over my Christmas Break. While I was there the team shared the love and compassion of Jesus with about 50 children in the morning at a VBS style event. In the afternoon we prayer walked the village. One afternoon the guys had the privilege of going to the village Chief's house. While there we were able to share the gospel message. The Chief was very respectful and then placed his blessing on us while we were there.

When we got back I thought this was all the Lord had in store for me on the international field for a long time. I was sadly mistaken because ever since I have been back from Niger all I have been thinking about is Africa and when am I going back. Now I have a plan and it is in full swing.